last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just tell him i said nine months
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
