There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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