I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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