i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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