Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i love accidental penises.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
