Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
