i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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