I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
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Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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