i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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