do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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