im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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