I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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