Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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