Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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