I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
