We won't sleep together?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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