Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
