Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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