he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You can't motorboat a personality
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
