The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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