Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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