Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
