he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
