I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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