I hate all girls vehemently.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
