I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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