Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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