Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
