I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
