Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
