he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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