A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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