In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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