Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
