Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
