had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
