Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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