she smelled like a LAN party
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
