I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
