My friends, they love my intelligence
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
