come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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