id be glad to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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