Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
