a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
