Your mouth is God's brothel.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
