she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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