That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
