Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
