I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize