at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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