I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
