then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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