you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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