Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
