I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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