No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
