my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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