What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
