If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
