I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
