Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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