i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
50% drunk capacity currently
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
