i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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