i barfeds in our rink
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
