i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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