I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
