are you still at the devil's house?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
