It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
