Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
