Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
