I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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