Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
People in love make me want to vomit
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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